I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
