I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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