i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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