he puts the penis in happiness.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
