Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
