She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
