Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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