i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
