im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
