He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
