just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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