walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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