I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
