I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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