How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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