Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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