i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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