We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
