I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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