If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
