I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
