You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
zippers are such a cool invention
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
