ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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