Will you blow on my dice?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
