I wish life had little blips of pornography
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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