im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
