my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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