she smelled like a LAN party
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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