I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
