I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
