I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
