Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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