i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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