Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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