That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
