You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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