I think I died a long time ago.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am midnight drunk by noon
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
