I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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