Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
