In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
