Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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