i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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