What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
