im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
