I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
