I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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