Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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