is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
