6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
