Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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