Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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