After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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